This is probably the shittiest week ever. So yeah, on Tuesday and Wednesday I got really suicidal. And that depression pretty much carries on for the rest of the week. My 40-hour free labor makes me a little happier though.
Then comes Friday, my paid work. It was freakin' busy. All the techs are gone for training so there were only 2 techs+ me filling as opposed to 5+ techs. Again, they tried to have me consult. Again, I declined. Apparently, they really want me to do consults 'cause the manager called me over to watch her consults. The funny story of the day is when some guy came in for 100 Levitra. I was like, uh...typing mistake? Pharmacist was like "oh, maybe the guy has some pulmonary problem and has to take this long term. You see, this drug was originally used for that blah blah blah. That's when the clerk leans in and tells us that the guy said he's using it for sex. Me, the pharmacist, and the clerk were like laughing our asses off.
So at night, when it's slow, I started do a few consults. That's not too bad. I was feeling pretty confident now. Then, the freakin' relief pharmacist starts to ask me all these questions. I'm like, ok, that's fine. I'm used to pharmacist asking me stuff. But then he starts grilling me w/ questions which I just went "I don't know." And he kept telling me how I'm missing the big picture. Well, that went on for a while. And long story short, he made me cry. This week was bad enough w/ me feeling like a failure, and he has to make me feel like I'm never be good enough to be a pharmacist. I cried all the way back from work. And then I cried for another hour in Corinna's room while I vent (was trying to get some booze so that I'd pass out). I hope I never see that douchebag again.
Ironically, on Sunday, I ended up doing consults all morning. It got busy, so Sam had me help her w/ consults. I just went and ask her stuff if I'm not sure. Like if it sounded like a serious drug. So I got pretty comfortable w/ consults now...I think. btw. I made a girl cry today.
So I was giving consults on eyedrops for mom w/ twins.
Me: Ok, so which one is Grace?
Mom: This is Grace, right here.
Grace (3-yr-old): WWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
Mom: It's ok, honey. She's not a doctor.
Grace: WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
Yeah, white coat = doctor.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
T_T
No ranting about work for once. Don't worry, I'll rant about school instead.
Yes, I f-ing hate pharm school. Ever since I started pharm school last August, it has given me nothing but pain and suffering. It gave me the first C ever in my life. For the first time, I realize that I don't know jacksh-t and I can't do anything about it 'cause I just don't have time to sit around and study my brain out. I have extracurricular activities and work to worry about. Oh, drop extracurricular activities? Well, then I won't be competitive when applying for a job or residency.
And why is everyone in pharm school so f-ing cutthroat? Man, aren't we all going to get a job in the pharmacy world? Why must everyone try to get straight A's and be [insert organizations] president and work 40 hours a week and be Rho Chi. Oh trust me, there are people like that. People that get 4.0 and hold high positions. Do they not have a life? Oh wait, pharm school does NOT expect you to have a life. It wants you to breathe, eat, sleep, poop, f-ck pharmacy.
Well, you know what? I don't even want to go to f-ing pharmacy school in the first place. I want to be an engineer. But my good ol' parents said I'll never get a job 'cause I'm not a white male. (Yay for supportive parents)
Again, I hate cut-throat overachievers. Yeah, go ahead and publish 5 billion papers and be president of your 500 organizations and get straight A's and be in Rho Chi. Well, I'm f-ing NOT LIKE YOU! I can't go out and smooth talk my way and make 5 billion job connections. The most connection I'm going to get is my manager and PICs and pharmacist slavemasters realizing I'm such a good little worker/slave.
I am this close to just going screw it and kill myself. You know how many times I've had suicidal thoughts this year? Oh yeah, and my cutting returns too. My left arms is covered w/ box cutter marks, and it's moving down closer and closer to the veins in my wrist. I've never had that many suicidal thoughts this often. Maybe I'll do my roomates a favor and give them all straight A's since that's what they all f-ing need to step over everybody.
I'm falling behind in this competition. When I graduate, I won't have a job or any prestige. I'll just be a disgrace to my family.
Yes, I f-ing hate pharm school. Ever since I started pharm school last August, it has given me nothing but pain and suffering. It gave me the first C ever in my life. For the first time, I realize that I don't know jacksh-t and I can't do anything about it 'cause I just don't have time to sit around and study my brain out. I have extracurricular activities and work to worry about. Oh, drop extracurricular activities? Well, then I won't be competitive when applying for a job or residency.
And why is everyone in pharm school so f-ing cutthroat? Man, aren't we all going to get a job in the pharmacy world? Why must everyone try to get straight A's and be [insert organizations] president and work 40 hours a week and be Rho Chi. Oh trust me, there are people like that. People that get 4.0 and hold high positions. Do they not have a life? Oh wait, pharm school does NOT expect you to have a life. It wants you to breathe, eat, sleep, poop, f-ck pharmacy.
Well, you know what? I don't even want to go to f-ing pharmacy school in the first place. I want to be an engineer. But my good ol' parents said I'll never get a job 'cause I'm not a white male. (Yay for supportive parents)
Again, I hate cut-throat overachievers. Yeah, go ahead and publish 5 billion papers and be president of your 500 organizations and get straight A's and be in Rho Chi. Well, I'm f-ing NOT LIKE YOU! I can't go out and smooth talk my way and make 5 billion job connections. The most connection I'm going to get is my manager and PICs and pharmacist slavemasters realizing I'm such a good little worker/slave.
I am this close to just going screw it and kill myself. You know how many times I've had suicidal thoughts this year? Oh yeah, and my cutting returns too. My left arms is covered w/ box cutter marks, and it's moving down closer and closer to the veins in my wrist. I've never had that many suicidal thoughts this often. Maybe I'll do my roomates a favor and give them all straight A's since that's what they all f-ing need to step over everybody.
I'm falling behind in this competition. When I graduate, I won't have a job or any prestige. I'll just be a disgrace to my family.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Fun at work (for once)
So I went to work again on yesterday. I totally got pwned by midterms, so let's not talk 'bout that...
Anyhow, work was freakin' awesome yesterday. Well, first off, there was like NO ONE there. So I get to chill with the techs. (Plus, the night crew apparently took care of the RTS already ^_^) Yeah, they were the "cool ppl" so I was happy. We were fooling around so much haha.
The pharmacist made me do consults again :-( but it was for Augmentin and he was busy so I didn't care. He didn't even come over to make sure I did it right. Which was a little nervewrecking. It's like uh...I don't wanna tell the wrong thing!!! Good thing I still remember stuff from the day Koob and that one other pharmacist (totally forgot his name) made me do consults. That aside, I had to do 4 freakin' compounding! The first one was like ok, no biggie. I've never done this one before but whatever I'll just follow instructions. Then 3 more come in. I was like "wtf!" Now it's getting annoying 'cause I have to hunt down the ingredients (btw, we ran out of lidocaine and benadryl). It's like dude, can't you use freakin' regular mouthwash? Listerine, Walgreens down the street, aisle 5. You won't have to wait hours as I grind the powder shit and have the pharmacist come and check and sign off and what not. Ah well. I would like compounding more if I don't have to keep hunting for the ingredients.
On a more reflective note, working makes me realize that I should study more for the patients (maybe not so much for the old lady screaming for her Norco but for the little girl with ear infection who needs Augmentin). Yeah, I was all in this for the money. Which is probably why my motivations to study is kinda low right now. But at work I realize how much I need to study 'cause these ppl are depending on me to get the right meds and get well. Yeah, I should freakin' study more.
On a funner side note, I freakin' found awesome anime music last night V^_^V w00t!!! btw, my pharmacist plays WoW and he was freakin' checking on his guilds/clans/whatever at work. That was funny hahahahaha.
Anyhow, work was freakin' awesome yesterday. Well, first off, there was like NO ONE there. So I get to chill with the techs. (Plus, the night crew apparently took care of the RTS already ^_^) Yeah, they were the "cool ppl" so I was happy. We were fooling around so much haha.
The pharmacist made me do consults again :-( but it was for Augmentin and he was busy so I didn't care. He didn't even come over to make sure I did it right. Which was a little nervewrecking. It's like uh...I don't wanna tell the wrong thing!!! Good thing I still remember stuff from the day Koob and that one other pharmacist (totally forgot his name) made me do consults. That aside, I had to do 4 freakin' compounding! The first one was like ok, no biggie. I've never done this one before but whatever I'll just follow instructions. Then 3 more come in. I was like "wtf!" Now it's getting annoying 'cause I have to hunt down the ingredients (btw, we ran out of lidocaine and benadryl). It's like dude, can't you use freakin' regular mouthwash? Listerine, Walgreens down the street, aisle 5. You won't have to wait hours as I grind the powder shit and have the pharmacist come and check and sign off and what not. Ah well. I would like compounding more if I don't have to keep hunting for the ingredients.
On a more reflective note, working makes me realize that I should study more for the patients (maybe not so much for the old lady screaming for her Norco but for the little girl with ear infection who needs Augmentin). Yeah, I was all in this for the money. Which is probably why my motivations to study is kinda low right now. But at work I realize how much I need to study 'cause these ppl are depending on me to get the right meds and get well. Yeah, I should freakin' study more.
On a funner side note, I freakin' found awesome anime music last night V^_^V w00t!!! btw, my pharmacist plays WoW and he was freakin' checking on his guilds/clans/whatever at work. That was funny hahahahaha.
Monday, June 9, 2008
w00t! I beat DMC3!
Well, since I'm PharmGamerKid I'm gonna have to talk about games once in a while right? Anyway, I finally beat Devil May Cry 3!!! Pretty much vent out my frustration of MDA midterms right into beating the crap out of Vergil hahaha. Yeah, it's so awesome, the stuff you unlock afteryou beat DMC3. Now, I can play as Vergil!!! Yay for katana action!!!
Okay, I better get back to studying for my Systems midterms. 1 down. 3 to go. The MDA midterms felt like a C :-( I hope I don't get a 68 again.
-edit-
Start playing the game as Vergil. zomg, he r0xx0r!!!
Okay, I better get back to studying for my Systems midterms. 1 down. 3 to go. The MDA midterms felt like a C :-( I hope I don't get a 68 again.
-edit-
Start playing the game as Vergil. zomg, he r0xx0r!!!
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