T_T

No ranting about work for once. Don't worry, I'll rant about school instead.

Yes, I f-ing hate pharm school. Ever since I started pharm school last August, it has given me nothing but pain and suffering. It gave me the first C ever in my life. For the first time, I realize that I don't know jacksh-t and I can't do anything about it 'cause I just don't have time to sit around and study my brain out. I have extracurricular activities and work to worry about. Oh, drop extracurricular activities? Well, then I won't be competitive when applying for a job or residency.

And why is everyone in pharm school so f-ing cutthroat? Man, aren't we all going to get a job in the pharmacy world? Why must everyone try to get straight A's and be [insert organizations] president and work 40 hours a week and be Rho Chi. Oh trust me, there are people like that. People that get 4.0 and hold high positions. Do they not have a life? Oh wait, pharm school does NOT expect you to have a life. It wants you to breathe, eat, sleep, poop, f-ck pharmacy.

Well, you know what? I don't even want to go to f-ing pharmacy school in the first place. I want to be an engineer. But my good ol' parents said I'll never get a job 'cause I'm not a white male. (Yay for supportive parents)

Again, I hate cut-throat overachievers. Yeah, go ahead and publish 5 billion papers and be president of your 500 organizations and get straight A's and be in Rho Chi. Well, I'm f-ing NOT LIKE YOU! I can't go out and smooth talk my way and make 5 billion job connections. The most connection I'm going to get is my manager and PICs and pharmacist slavemasters realizing I'm such a good little worker/slave.

I am this close to just going screw it and kill myself. You know how many times I've had suicidal thoughts this year? Oh yeah, and my cutting returns too. My left arms is covered w/ box cutter marks, and it's moving down closer and closer to the veins in my wrist. I've never had that many suicidal thoughts this often. Maybe I'll do my roomates a favor and give them all straight A's since that's what they all f-ing need to step over everybody.

I'm falling behind in this competition. When I graduate, I won't have a job or any prestige. I'll just be a disgrace to my family.